Science Affliction Theater: The mob quad


“I’m telling you, QUAD, I want a box of them in exchange for hacking into her site…”

“You know, LOKI, we both graduated from MIT.  I bet I can do this myself and it won’t cost me anything.”

“QUAD…have you ever hacked before?  No, I doubt it.  And of all places–you will never get past the first gate.  22WASP has a new and improved ironclad gate.   And who wrote it?   Moi, of course.”

“So, you want a whole box for not really hacking into 22WASP’s site?   Not happening.”

We could wait hours for those two philanthropists to resolve their little trade agreement.  Let’s not.  What LOKI doesn’t know is that QUAD is down to the last yodel.  It’s November 2012 and a baker’s union strike has caused the owning company to shut down production of yodels.   All the QUAD has to do is get into the computer that has shipping access, ship the last of the yodels to a dummy site, and QUAD will be good to go–or so the optimistic QUAD believed.  One can never tell what might happen here at Science Affliction Theater…

“QUAD. you’re annoying me.  WASP no longer has shipping access or any kind of access to the yodels.  You’re out of luck, old man.”

“Who has access of any kind to the yodels?  Can you find out, LOKI?”

“Already did.  Doesn’t look good, though, Quad.  Only the VP has access and all gates are closed off to the general public on the web.  This one’s over my head.  You need someone like, SOG827, to break into the VP’s network.”

“Loki, you know SOG827.  Can we get him?”

“Nobody knows SOG827, Quad, except maybe his girlfriend, Tanner, and, no one knows Tanner…

You will owe me a lot of yodels, my friend. Right?  Right, Quad?”

QUAD located the VP.  LOKI talked SOG into helping but he wanted to talk with QUAD, not the middle man.   SOG and QUAD talked online for over 2 hours.   All the while, SOG was working on accessing shipping of the yodels.  By the end of their conversation, SOG not only found access, he also solved the problem of a secure site to send the order.  QUAD disagreed and SOG finally gave in to QUAD’s plan.

“Okay, QUAD, shipment confirmed and delivery will be tomorrow by 1300 hours.  Are you going to wait for it there?”

“Maybe, why?”

“Well, you’ve had this identity a long time, Tanner.  I’d like to sit down with you and discuss it.  We can wait for the yodels together.”

“I’m a guy, SOG, not your girlfriend.  Meet me tomorrow and you’ll see.  Thanks for everything, Sword of Gideon.”

“Yep, you’re Tanner, all right.  Why…?”

“So long, SOG.”

The next day, SOG arrived at the delivery site by 0800 hours.  By 1400 hours there had been no delivery and no QUAD.  SOG figured QUAD rerouted the shipment.  He tried to access the shipping portal but all the doors were closed.  It was very secure.  He wondered exactly who QUAD was–certainly not Tanner.  This was the work of a real pro, like himself.

SOG never caught QUAD moving any amount of yodels, yet QUAD moved them all except those that went into the personal stash, and the ones for LOKI.  SOG received a delivery of yodels at his home. No one knew where SOG lived. No one knew he was SOG except for Tanner.

Sword of Gideon was arrested at his home by the FBI.  While being interrogated, for  the fifth time, SOG figured out what had happened.  He wasn’t sure why he was left out on a limb, but he had an idea.  Everyone was in on it:  LOKI88, 22WASP, and Tanner as QUAD. They had all worked together…SOG never could prove it.  He was at a Federal prison for the next 25 years.  SOG hacked a lot of Federal computers, including the FBI.

Well, so much for the Sword of Gideon. There was one other person who SOG didn’t take into account:  the VP with sole access.  In his younger days. SOG molested several little girls, one whose father became that VP, but there wasn’t any proof and the child molester got away with it. LOKI88, at the request of 22WASP, found that proof.  They then asked QUAD to help execute the plan.  And the yodels?  Well, they didn’t get to keep all of the huge shipment but the VP saw to it that they each had sufficient yodels for awhile.  QUAD continued to use yodels to barter with other hackers online, until finally running out and ate the last yodel.  Tanner never was SOG’s girlfriend.  She was his therapist.

We leave you now, returning control of your television. Should you ever consider illegal hacking, keep in mind that there’s always a (S)QUAD watching you.  Thank you and good night from Science Affliction Theater.

Inspiration Monday:  Supersomnia  at Be Kind Rewrite
Prompt:   The Last Yodel
Word Count:  793
Photo Credit Mob Quad:  Wikipedia
Many thanks to Stephanie Orges for hosting Inspiration Monday @ Be Kind Rewrite

Author’s note: Mob Quad is actually a four-sided group of buildings from the 13th and 14th centuries in Merton College, Oxford.  In the USA, quads or quadrangles are mostly associated with colleges or universities and are typically undergraduate housing/dorms.

Mob is probably from the Latin: Mobile vulgus  meaning the “fickle crowd”, possibly a humorous description of the occupants of the quad.




When I was a kid I wanted to be an "atomic" scientist. Not anything my mother expected of me. Well, I became a scientist, just not an atomic one.

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Posted in fiction, hack, humor, inspiration monday, quad
13 comments on “Science Affliction Theater: The mob quad
  1. Doobster418 says:

    Personally, I prefer Twinkies to Yodels.

  2. Science Affliction! Hackers for yodels! An amusing little piece with a rather dark twist at the end. Glad they managed to put SOG away!

    This wasn’t actually late – the 6 pm deadline is arbitrary. I don’t usually get around to updating InMon until 9 or 10 pm Central Standard Time – about three hours after you posted the link in my comments. : )

    Hope you’re feeling better soon!

    • Lucy says:

      Initially I thought of Heidi out on a mountain yodeling away, causing snow avalanches and…well, I don’t want to give away a perfectly sicko plot. Thanks for the kudos. I’m feeling better at this moment so I will write for my last challenge of last week. And, then, maybe I’ll just go to bed. Lucy

  3. Kate Loveton says:

    “Seriously” imaginative is what I think. I can’t figure out how you come up with such unique, interesting takes on stories. I liked finding out that Tanner was SOG’s therapist.

    Yodels… man, I remember those… I wish I could have one right now, instead of the piece of cardboard I ate as a snack earlier. Granola bar? Give me a yodel! Or a Little Debbie…

    Science Affliction Theatre – loved that!

    Remember Mystery Science Theatre 3000?

    • Lucy says:

      Yep. I remember Science Fiction Theater when I was a kid. It came before Outer limits and Twilight Zone. I don’t know how I come up with these things. Maybe I watched too much SNL, Monty Python. At one point I read so much sci fi I had to see a doctor about migraines. I am the master. Lucy .

      • Kate Loveton says:

        Are you a fan of Forbidden Planet? It’s so wonderfully 50s. I love it.

      • Lucy says:

        Ooh. I think I’ll lie in bed and stream it from Amazon to my laptop. Has to at least a year since I last saw it. When I was a kid, it scared me death. It was not knowing where or when it would show up. I had nightmares about it for years. Take me to a monster movie at age 5 and I was okay. How about the original Blob with Steve McQueen Oh. how about “Them” and “The Day the Earth Stood Still” Actually I’ve been watching again Judy Holiday movies. I’m looking for the Solid Gold Cadillac probably on Youtube.. Well, I’m sure you’re in bed by now. Later. Lucy

      • Kate Loveton says:

        Steve McQueen’s ‘Blob’ – did you recognize Andy Griffith’s girlfriend, Helen, in the movie? 😀 James Arness was in ‘Them,’ wasn’t he? I’ve never been a huge fan of ‘The Day the Earth Stood Still’ – I’m not sure why. It is a classic.

        Ever read the books ‘When Worlds Collide’ and ‘After Words Collide’? They are very old; I managed to read them in the school library when I was a kid. Think Barbara Rush was in ‘When Worlds Collide.’

        Have you seen the new FX tv series, ‘The Strain’? The first ep aired Sunday night. I liked it. Went to order the books it was based on, and Amazon told me I ordered them in 2009… think I am WAY BEHIND in my reading!!

  4. Lucy says:

    No, didn’t see the strain. I don’t watch TV much. But I will watch it on my laptop.. I saw the movie when worlds collide. Yes, James Arness was in Them. I did recognize the Andy’s girlfriend in the Blob. I am very behind in my reading.. I’ve got to go outside for a bit. Forgot to water plants and shrubs, etc in front yard. Oh, the lizards will be mad at me Lucy

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© [Lucy Conrad] and [Sapient Chronicles], [2015-2016]. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to [Lucy Conrad] and [Sapient Chronicles] with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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