Barn Burner

Image
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“I love the smell of it.   It smells like revenge.  You know, that feeling you get when you’ve gotten one over on some jerk.  Yeah, I let the horses out, whatever animals are in the barn.   I’m not a creep. Some burners will set fire to a barn and lock the animals in. Even people. People take a long time to burn.  It has to be a really hot fire.”   Keynote Speaker for the 1965 Barn Burners Reunion, Baton Rouge, Louisiana

 

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Present Day

*
“I’m gonna burn you out, Lloyd.  Burn your barn and everything in it.  So come out Lloyd ‘less you wanna burn with it.  I’m givin’ you two minutes to make up your mind.”

Larry Wilder doesn’t know it, but Lloyd Cartwright fell and broke his hip.  Larry is going to try to set fire to the barn, but nothing will burn.  Wherever he goes, flames die.  He can’t even light a cigarette. People will run from him and the authorities want to talk with him.   A fireproof life is only part of the story for Larry Wilder.

There is nothing wrong with your laptop, ipad, television, smart phone, or other device.  Do not attempt to adjust the screen.  We are controlling transmission.  For the next 7 minutes sit quietly and we will control all that you see and hear.  We repeat there is nothing wrong with your device. You are about to experience the awe and mystery which reaches from the inner mind to The Outer Twilight Zone Limits.

*

“Dang it.  I can’t get these matches to light and my Zippo is outta fluid. I knew I shoulda bought lighter fluid.   Hey, Lloyd, you got any matches or a Zippo?”

“If I did, Larry, I wouldn’t be givin’ them to you . Get me an ambulance, will you?”

“Why”

“I fell and I think I broke my hip.”

“Too bad, Lloyd.  You gotta burn with your barn.  I gave ya two minutes and it’s long gone.  I just gotta get me some workin’ matches.”

“Now thems not the rules, Larry. I broke my hip and that prevented me from leavin’ the barn.   Now, you burned me out three years ago. There are no more barn burners, Larry.  You’re the last of your kind.  Give yourself up to the Police.”

“This has been a shit day all round.  First my Frigidaire stops working.  I can’t cook on the range cause the burners don’t light.  I’m just havin’ a shit day.”

“You know what’s happening, Larry?  You’ve burned out.  You are a burned out barn burner that can’t even light a match.  Time to retire, Larry.”

“I ain’t burned out.  It’s them matches–they’re bad, I swear, Lloyd.”

“Okay, okay, come on in and I’ll give you my matches, Larry.  You’ll see what I’m sayin’ is true.  You won’t be able to light a fire and burn my barn.”

Larry slowly walked into the shadowed interior of the barn.  He didn’t see Lloyd and he called out to him.  But Lloyd dragged himself near the double doors and was hiding in the shadows with a shovel. Larry called out to him again and Lloyd half stood and smacked Larry with the blade of the shovel right in the chops.  Larry went down and didn’t get back up.   Lloyd killed Larry.  The end of the barn burners, thought Lloyd.  There were only a couple of barn burners left and they all  burned out.

*
We now return control of your device to you.  Until next week at the same time when the control voice will take you to — The Outer Twilight Zone Limits.

 

 

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Acknowledgments:  Television series Twilight Zone and The Outer Limits
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Inspiration Monday:  Penquin Flight School @ Be Kind Rewrite
Prompt:  Burned out
Photo Credit:  unknown
Word Count:  600
*
Many thanks to Stephanie Orges for hosting Inspiration Monday

 

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About

When I was a kid I wanted to be an "atomic" scientist. Not anything my mother expected of me. Well, I became a scientist, just not an atomic one.

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Posted in Barn burner, fiction, humor, inspiration monday, The Outer Limits, Twilight Zone
14 comments on “Barn Burner
  1. Doobster418 says:

    Where do you come up with these strange stories?

    • Lucy says:

      What strange stories? My imagination. I am strange. What’s so strange about barn burning? Used to happen in the South. Oh, do you mean the outer limits and twilight zone? Lucy

      • Doobster418 says:

        I mean barn burning and a barn burner who can’t light a match and a guy with a broken hip using a shovel to kill a bumbling barn burner. Where do you come up something like that?

      • Lucy says:

        Burned out. Barn burner. Burned out barn burner. Burned out barn burner can’t make fire. Lloyd has to be the voice of reason and have a broken hip.Oh, I don’t know how I come up with these things. I wrote at least 4 stories using different prompts. Hated them all. Wrote this in like 10 minutes. I’m strange, always have been. Lucy

  2. Kate Loveton says:

    I love the way your mind works! We need to stay up all night and tell scary stories over a glass of wine. 😉 I enjoyed this take on the prompt very much.

    • Lucy says:

      Oh, just a strange thing I felt like doing. It was either that or a French private detective who has to wear the lipstick in a lipstick camera and he’s a guy. Double homicide, extortion, incest, baby switching, you name it. All under 1000 words. it was just too much. So, I did this. Lucy

  3. Juan Zung says:

    Heh heh, very amusing story.

    • Lucy says:

      Thanks. You know, I think barn burning still happens in the South. Thanks for coming by. I’m glad I made you laugh. Lucy

  4. “The Outer Twilight Zone Limits.” That’s just hilarious.So is the idea of a burnt-out barn burner. But I think my favorite part is the excerpt in the beginning – getting to see into the motivations of the barn burners. It makes me want to burn something, and that’s kind of chilling. 😉

    • Lucy says:

      Have you got a fireplace? A fire pit outside, maybe? An oil drum? When I lived in New Mexico all those years I had a fireplace and would burn anything just for the fun of it. I burned old bills and papers from college and cardboard boxes. That was fun. You don’t need to invest in a paper shredder. I;m glad you found it amusing. Lucy

      • My brother has a fire pit, and we burn stuff when I visit him every week or so. We also used to have “homework barbecues” when school got out every year, tossing our old study notes, etc., in the fire. Very cathartic with some Pink Floyd playing in the background.

      • Lucy says:

        Yes, it is cathartic. Unfortunately I was burning everything from my grad school days. A neighbor stopped by and said someone was using their fireplace and it smelled really funky. I had to slow down. I had data of the Kodiak Islanders and its private so I didn’t want to toss it in the trash. I went to a Catholic girls high school and after I graduated I burned my uniforms. My mother freaked. The shoes just would not burn! Green shoes. Can you even imagine green shoes? Lucy

      • I liked the way the colored notebook covers and bluebooks changed the color of the fire. Fortunately, we never had neighbors complain.

        Green shoes??? I don’t blame you. I’m surprised they wouldn’t burn. I bet my dog would eat them, though. He recently ate twelve felt ukulele picks in one sitting. And he loves shoes even more.

      • Lucy says:

        And they were expensive leather, too. who would want dark green shoes? They were very comfortable though. Then we switched to brown shoes. Brown shoes with green knee socks, green shoes with brown knee socks and brown blazer. Green blazer with the brown shoes. It was pitiful. Lucy

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