Unchained melody

“Bob, what are you doing this Friday?  Can you get some time off?”  Daphne didn’t wait for a reply.  “I thought we could get married Friday.  I called around.  There’s an opening at the Courthouse.  Judge Baca has agreed to marry us at 2:00 PM.  I’ll work until Noon, then go get a wedding band.  Do you want a ring? Would you wear it?”

“We’re getting married?”

Daphne sat back in the chair and leered at Bob. They had been living together for seven years.   She had no idea why she was still with him.  Daphne never had any desire to marry him.  The only contract she thought she would ever sign involving Bob would be for a contract killing to eliminate his sorry ass from her life.

“Yes, Bob.  Remember the conversation we had the other day?  I don’t have health insurance and I need to see a  specialist pretty quickly.  I’ve made all the necessary arrangements.”


“Well, do you want me to get you a wedding band?”

ImageFriday finally reared its ugly head.  The first insult Daphne had to endure was being chained to a bowling ball at the office.  It was a Company tradition for anyone about to marry.  Apparently, someone had overheard her on the phone.  She had to wear the heavy ball chained at her ankle to a meeting with the Air Force, and even in the lady’s room.   She was able to slip her ankle out of the chain for the rest of the morning.  Her boss had ordered a wedding cake so valuable time was wasted eating cake and pretending she was thrilled about the upcoming nuptials. Then the weather turned. Light snowfall became a storm.  All the government buildings closed due to the weather, including the Courthouse where they were to be married.  And, because of the snow storm, her friends who were to be witnesses were not able to get off their mountain.

Daphne called around and found that the Courthouse in Bernalillo was still open and she found a Judge who could marry them.  First, she had to buy a ring.  Naturally, all the jewelers in Albuquerque were closed but a pawn shop on her way home was open.  She bought a gold band for herself.  Daphne met with Bob at the house and they drove through the storm to the next city.  They were expected at the Courthouse, however, the Clerk didn’t expect the couple to arrive without any witnesses.  

The Clerk offered to be a witness but they needed another.  They all went into the courtroom and met with the Judge who told them he would not be able to marry them without that second witness.   Daphne and the woman Clerk looked around the courtroom.  There, in the back was a man in an orange jumpsuit.  He was handcuffed and chained from his wrists to his ankles.  Daphne looked at the clerk.  The woman acknowledged the silent message between them and walked back to the prisoner and asked him to be a witness.  He happily agreed.

The last straw for Daphne was the rude remark from the Judge when Daphne told him she did not have a ring for Bob because the pawn shop didn’t have anything she liked.  She managed to hold on long enough to complete the hapless five-minute ceremony before she broke down, laughing so hard she could no longer stand. This disturbed the Judge.  Everyone quickly signed the paperwork and the fuming Judge had the newlyweds escorted from the building.  

On the drive home, Daphne reminded Bob to take her to the University for  a job interview she couldn’t miss.  Bob waited in the car while she blew the interview with a day’s worth of pent-up sarcasm.  She just wanted to go home, have the requisite sex and go to bed.  When Bob informed her he had a model car club meeting to attend on this, their wedding night, she lost what little control she had left…  

On the following Monday,  Daphne stood before the same Judge who had married Bob and her, and in the very same courtroom.  Daphne was charged with domestic violence. She was wearing an orange jumpsuit.


Inspiration Monday at:   be kind rewrite


When I was a kid I wanted to be an "atomic" scientist. Not anything my mother expected of me. Well, I became a scientist, just not an atomic one.

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Posted in fiction, humor, writing
2 comments on “Unchained melody
  1. Depressing, yet at the same time, oddly amusing. How did you do that?!?

    Welcome to InMon!

    • Lucy says:

      Thank you. I meant it to be so depressing that one just had to laugh. Thank you for welcoming me. I enjoyed that challenge and look forward to more. Lucy

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© [Lucy Conrad] and [Sapient Chronicles], [2015-2016]. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to [Lucy Conrad] and [Sapient Chronicles] with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

April 2014
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